the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
