based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
