Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
