its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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