last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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