is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
