Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we're making bets on your personal life
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
