my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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