I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
