Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
