Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
