And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
