I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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