sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
