pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
