everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
