i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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