Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
