guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am one with the molecules
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
