My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize