My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
