I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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