No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
