there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
