they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
