when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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