is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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