We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
