Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
