I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
