on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
