fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
