we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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