It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
