my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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