Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
FUCK WHALES
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
