NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
