bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
