i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
