You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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