Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
