i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
