Umm I'm too high to move.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
