No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
