the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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