Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
