we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
