Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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