Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
