My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
