How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
