My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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