alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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