I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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