Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
