There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
